Tina and Me

I haven't been entirely honest about my obsessions. I've always fantasized about being with Tina Turner. I realize there are some obvious drawbacks. First of all, she has no idea who I am, although I frequently feel the same way what with my ongoing identity crisis. I doubt if the six degrees of separation theory would work here; chances are better I'll see Ike Turner playing for dimes in some rundown bar before running into Tina. Secondly, I can't dance like she does. Sure, I try but my body -although marginally limber despite all the miles on it - just wouldn't make any one's liver quiver, except people with really bad vision. Third of all, I can't sing like Tina. Most people would in fact pay me to keep quiet.


But how can you ignore a woman who just exudes sexuality, who bellows and growls and belts out R & B while she prowls across the stage? "Better Be Good To Me" should be the anthem of disgusted women everywhere - the lyrics and the way Tina bites off the words against the simple but powerful guitar riff are enough to back any disrespectful creep up against the wall. Tina's version of "Can't Stand The Rain" is light years away from Ann Peebles, bending the phrases to squeeze out every last ounce of blues. You may very well ask yourself: "What's Love Got To Do With It?" and you're right, this obsession I have with Tina is probably closer to lust but I'm still convinced after one night that she'd be insisting "Let's Stay Together."


I guess the conclusion is, based on" Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome", that you don't stand a chance with Tina unless you're Mel Gibson, and even then it's debatable if you'll score. I suppose I'm destined to admire her from a distance. Of course, there's always the chance we might bump into each other or she might issue an urgent appeal for available old white men, but chances are better that I'll just listen to "Proud Mary" or "Honky Tonk Woman" or even "Nutbush City Limits" one more time, although I'm probably better off sticking with "Dream On" by Aerosmith.

About those links:
John Mayall - www.johnmayall.com
Bruce Burnside-www.bruceburnside.com
Scott Allen - www.milomusic.com
Motels/Martha Davis - www.marthadavis.com
William Topley - www.williamtopley.com
The Cutlass Three - myspace.com/thecutlassband
The Rhode Island International Film Festival - www.RIIFF.org